Posted in Reflections

Dear “Future Me”…

Dear “Future Me,”

I’m sorry I screwed you over. A lot. More often than not. I’ve lied about things I never thought I’d lie about. Fear is my worst enemy. Fear about everything. Fear that “Me” is not good enough. Fear that “Me” in the now won’t make it by. Fear that “Me” wont get far enough. Fear that “Me” isn’t what others expect. But yet “Me” lives on, out of fear maybe, but living on…

Something always brings the old memories back. You ever wonder how that boy is? The boy who helped bring out more love in you than you ever thought. No doubt he hurt you, but of course, unexpectedly.

He was the boy who allowed you to discover self-confidence; the boy who for the first time made you see the spark; the boy who first kissed you; the boy who held your hand when you felt you needed it most; the boy who stood there and listened to you rant on about your problems. But overall, he was in the flesh, a boy who was unsure of himself.

Has he found himself? Has he found love? Does he remember you? Did he ever wonder how you held up without him? Did he really ever love you? “Me” wonders a lot about this boy, but like she’s done before, she’s moved on with her life. She’s lived and she’s learned.

You know what I’ve realized “Future Me?” That “Past Me” was so young and weak and unprepared. But I am changing for you, “Future Me.” Only for you.

Your brain is all rattled up, you know. Your memories all scattered across the bedroom floor like if they were made of paper. But aside from the fact that your life is a mess, you know what you should be most proud of? You should be most proud that I don’t cry as much as I used to, even for the simplest of things. You should be proud of me, because all the name calling stopped as soon as I began to stand my ground; because I didn’t run and hide; because I stopped crying and feeling so sorry for myself.

“Future Me,” if there’s one thing you can take back with you, take your confidence. You’re not even halfway down the road of life, and you’ve still got lots to learn, so carry your confidence on your square shoulders and try not to ever look back again.

 

Wishing you all the luck and love in the world,

Me.

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Author:

Although I live for the now, I can't help it if the dreamer inside me becomes a little curious.

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